it's all a matter of perspective

Yesterday was a challenging day for me. Actually these last couple weeks have been, well, hard. The Girl and I have been at odds and I have been feeling very frustrated. Our mini-vacation was sweet relief, I tell ya!

But we're back to reality now.
Back to the day-to-day.
Back to the loads of laundry.
Back to havin' to do it all again.
And havin' to do it feeling a bit isolated.

The Husband, well, he's fabulous! But he's got work to do.
The bills need to get paid.
He does SO much to help me but by 5 pm
(sometimes 4)
I'm D-O-N-E but Dinner has yet to be made.
There are more loads in the laundry that need to be folded.
Someone needs to be read to.
Another one needs a diaper change.
Someone's crying.
Someone's angry.
Someone's feeling left out.
And all I want to do is hide in a dark cave (with a bottle of wine and cry).

There is not enough of me to go around.

Yesterday was my last afternoon helper at school ~ for a few years until Little Man is old enough to be in it. The Girl was louder. She was running around. Sneaking snacks while I prepped (before she was really supposed to).

She was herself.
Perhaps she was The Myself that I didn't want her to be.
She wasn't listening to me.
In my eyes, she was being naughty.

I came home and in the evening when the kids were in bed, The Husband and I were talking about our day. I explained my frustrations and he, The Genius that he is, said that she was just happy I was there. She wanted to be silly and, in a way, show off.

He said that when she calls me, it's always with so much love and admiration.
That even when I'm mad at her, she still wants to be near me
(she must be a glutton for punishment).

Today, one of The Girl's teachers said that she was so happy The Girl was being more of herself the previous day. That she was happy to see that silly side of her. She said that she felt comfortable doing that because I was near.

So here I am, the jerk, thinking that My Girl is misbehavin' when all along I should have seen it from another person's eyes. I should have seen it through The Girl's eyes. She wanted me to be silly with her. She wanted just to spend time with me. Let loose a little and just enjoy the moment.

So today, I've been lookin' at things (namely her) differently. We had matching hair 'do's. We had braied pigtails and wore blue. I sat next to her at snack. Didn't get mad at a thing she did. (well sorta) Gave her the benefit of the doubt. So far, it's been going well. No misbehavin'. No sassy attitude. No fighting (between The Two)

I'll let you know how it progresses but I need to remember that I don't want to squash her spirit. I want us to have a close relationship when she's an adult. I need to nurture her and that relationship so that we can still communicate. It's all in my hands now. I just need to let things slide more.

Cross your fingers for me.