i am

ir·ri·ta·ble [ir-i-tuh-buhl] –adjective
1. easily irritated or annoyed; readily excited to impatience or anger.

i have been all afternoon. my children are loud. really. really. loud.
when i'm tired (i had a workday at school today), their volume hits decibles that make me feel like i'm at an annoying concert and the only way to speak to the person next to me is to talk REALLY LOUD as well. doing such acts of release ususally ends up in a gigantic amount of guilt i feel for having had to resort to raising my voice.

i'm sure to a good mom, their sequeals of noise - exhuberance, laughter, arguments and down right yelling- may bring a smile to her face. to me, on a bad day, i feel like hiding in a cave.

sure it doesn't help that i'm still battling a cold or that i had to wash a ton of dishes before snack because the washer didn't run the night before and then a ton of dishes at the end of the day (as per the normal job requirements). maybe i'm annoyed that the Dad came to help with the workday and he's feeling fine and dandy and i'm here moping and exhausted as he puts the noisemakers to bed. he came home did a ton of work, then grilled up some salmon for dinner. nothing phases that man. i'm the grump and he's all warm and sunshine. i must say, to my defense, that he got to just be there and play, i had to do all the "work" of our area. after lunch he took the boy for a drive and to a drive-thru at mickey d's where he fed my son processed 'chicken' mcnuggets, drove around the reservoir and sat in the car while the little man slept and he waited for me to finish the dishes and cleaning and making sure our list of duties had been completed. then, the kid woke up once we got home and didn't go back to his nap which left me having to entertain a grumpy needs to sleep toddler and sure enough less than an hour later, i have to go back to school to pick up the girl and then all the hoop jumping that happens with two, happened.

on a normal day, this would be not a problem at all. but today, i'm just a bit annoyed.

there are times, and this being one of them, when i'd much rather be someplace nice and quiet. someplace where i can read a book uninterrupted as i sip a tall cold drink. where i can lay under the shade of a tree and be still. where the only sound i can hear are the waves. where i can get some shaved ice around the corner. where everyone is Auntie or Uncle. where the night air is warm with a breeze.

the husband is much easier to forgive than i. i can hold a grudge and it can last a really long time. i'm not proud of that trait but it's a hard habit to break. he's so very santa barbara. he's mellow. he's go with the flow. he's about the now. live in the present with the lessons from the past. i'm getting better at it. i'm still learning. i'm the high strung LA girl. always multi-tasking. always planning the next event. always with too much on her plate. over-committed and under-rested. that's me. yeah, old habits die hard.